Day 5

It's been a very long road, but we are parents. Foster parents (which I wonder sometimes if it's harder to be a Foster parent than to be a bio parent).

On Friday, C came to live with us. I'm not going to post much about her, per se, but more about us and our process of growth as we learn to parent her. She says we're doing a good job at being Mommy and Daddy. Not sure how much a 4 year old is capable of evaluating that effectively.

We learned a valuable lesson yesterday. It was my first day back at work, and I had an overnight trip for work that I needed to go on. Dish wasn't ready it, but we didn't know that at the time. So, she decided to pack up and come with me to Warrens for the trip. It was a nice little night away with the three of us.

More later. I've got a meeting, and the girls are going to the water park.

Adjustment, Bonding and Attachment

Attachment issues are huge in adoption. Period.

Here's a brief (very brief) introduction. A lot could be said, and I will likely say a lot regarding attachment.

I don’t claim to know a ton about attachment and bonding, but we have read a fair amount on the subject and tried to prepare ourselves for anything. If you are waiting for your adoption to be completed right now, spend some time reading about attachment. Even babies must learn to attach. They have to learn to see their parents as a special and significant relationship, not just a caregiver.

Thabiti on Transracial Adoption

An excellent article... An Interview with Thabiti Anyabwile from Carolina Hope Adoption.

More and more couples are considering adopting transracially. How would you counsel a couple that desires to adopt a child from another race (i.e. ethnicity)? How would you seek to educate them theologically? How should the gospel help shape their view of transracial adoption?

The first thing I would want to do is simply commend and encourage them. I’d want to commend this act of selflessness and love. And I’d want to encourage them to remember that God’s grace is sufficient for their every need. That’s true of parenting in general, and it’s true of the specific case of transracial adoption and parenting. So, first, be encouraged.

Second, I’d want to encourage them to jettison the idea of “race” as it has historically been defined. Drop it like the bad habit it is. Learn to read the Scripture for its accent on our common humanity. Hayes’ Biblical Theology of Race is very valuable in this regard. Think of the children, indeed all people, as essentially “same” rather than “other.”

But third, having acknowledged our common humanity, think and teach your children to think in terms of “the nations.” In other words, there’s a tremendous opportunity in multi-ethnic families to cultivate a deeper concern for missions and getting the gospel to all nations. Try to prevent conversations and cross-cultural education from terminating on man or your family; try to think of those conversations as opportunities for thinking great thoughts about God who wants to be known among all people. The Lord has purposed that His glory will be shown in the bowing of the nations to His name. Our reflection on ethnicity and culture is incomplete if it doesn’t have that goal in mind.

The Prodigal

This has been floating around YouTube and the Blogosphere this morning. I posted it on Facebook, and I wanted to post it here.



If you haven't gotten it yet, check out the "Sons and Daughters" album from Sovereign Grace - the album on which this song appears.

10 Ways to Pastor Adoptive Parents and Those Considering Adoption

Jason Kovacs has this helpful post over at Desiring God... Yeah, it's a year old, but very very good stuff.

1. Develop your own heart for the fatherless.
2. Do a biblical study on God’s perspective on orphans.
3. Educate yourself on basic facts about adoption and orphan care.
4. Ask questions.
5. Remind them that they desire a good and God-magnifying thing.
6. Keep on encouraging them.
7. Provide financial counsel and help.
8. Cry with them and celebrate with them.
9. Celebrate adoptions publicly in services.
10. Don’t feel like you have to have all the answers.

Be sure to read the whole thing...

When Adoption Fails - The Gospel is Denied

Wonderful little reflection by Dr. Mohler...

The wonder of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is this — not one of us is worthy of adoption. In our sinfulness, not one of us has any claim on the Father’s love, much less a right to adoption. But, the infinitely rich mercy of God is shown us in Christ, in whom believers are adopted by the Father. And this adoption, thanks be to God, is eternal and irreversible.

We have been given adoption as a gift and as a sign of the Gospel. The adoption of any child is a portrait of God’s grace. Just as every earthy marriage points in some way to the marriage supper of the Lamb, every adopted child is a pointer to the Gospel. Thus, any failure in adoption is a slander to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

When adoption fails — whatever the reason — the Gospel is denied.

Read the whole thing

Understanding Post-Adoption depression

Helpful Article: Understanding Post-Adoption Depression.

The research, published in this month’s Western Journal of Nursing Research, found that the depression experienced by adoptive parents often stemmed from unmet or unrealistic expectations of the parenting experience.

One reason is that during the adoption process, prospective parents go to great lengths to prove they will be fit parents. After the adoption, some struggle with the fact that they aren’t the “superparents” they promised to be, Dr. Foli said.

“Parents who go through the adoption process have financial disclosures, a home study, there is an interview by a social worker — they are really opened up,” Dr. Foli explained. “You become a persuader that indeed you’re not just going to be an O.K. parent but a ’superparent.’ But there is no perfect parent. You’re a regular parent, yet there is that disconnect between what you expected to happen and what does happen.”

Insightful.

Read the whole thing.

HT: Adoptive Dads

I'll Just Keep Praying

A touching post over at Adoptive Dads:

“Dear God,

Please help Shawn find a family soon – one where he will have a brother and sister, and maybe even a pet or two. Help his new family to treat him well and to be patient with him as he heals from his past hurts. Help him to do well in school and to make lots of friends.

I love you Jesus, Amen.”

This is the prayer that my 8 year old, Grant, prayed last night. He, along with lots of other kids at IBC (our church), is praying for children in foster care. Not just children generally – he’s praying for specific kids. Last night was Shawn. Tonight he will pray for Ian and Cheyenne.

After he finished praying I scratched his back and sang his favorite song, Amazing Grace – first and last stanza, just like I learned it in the Baptist church growing up. Then Grant rolled over and looked at me. I couldn’t tell if there were tears in his eyes, or if he was just really tired. He said, “Daddy, I am going to pray for Shawn until he gets his family. How long will that be?”

Shawn is eight years old, and I know the statistics all too well. I didn’t want to answer. “Hopefully not too much longer,” I said.

“Will it be next week?” he asked.

“No, probably not,” I replied.

“Ok. I’ll just keep praying,” he said.

Shouldn’t we all.

Read the whole thing...

Adoption is Redemption - More Goodness

This just keeps getting better...

On the drive home that night, the Lord whispered in my ear, “This is Redemption. Derek, do you know how far I travelled to get you and bring you back? I had to be separated from my Son, in order to get you, just like you are separated from your children in order to get these boys. Do you know how expensive it was for Me to purchase you? It cost me everything. Do you know how broken, sick, damaged, twisted, dirty, smelly, and hopeless you were? And at the end of it all, you had nothing to give me or add to me. I did it for you. I emptied myself and became nothing so that you could have it all. This is redemption.

-Read the whole post by Derek Loux

Adoption is Redemption

I LOVE this little tidbit...

My friends, adoption is redemption. It’s costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him. And when He redeems us, we can’t even really appreciate or comprehend it, just like Dimitri will never comprehend or fully appreciate what is about to happen to him … but … he will live in the fruit of it. As his Daddy, I will never expect him to understand all of this or even to thank me. I just want to watch him live in the benefits of my love and experience the joys of being an heir in my family. This is how our heavenly “Papa” feels towards us.

- Derek Loux

HT: (Z)

"I don't want my children to be happy"

A letter from a Mom to her toddler kids:

Recently we were told by people whom we love and respect why they oppose our plans to adopt. One of the reasons given was that we would not be able to pay for your college education.

It's true.

You all have college funds - college funds which recently took a terrible hit - but "they" say that by the time you're 18, college will cost anywhere between $200,000 to half a million dollars each. You might as well know now, we won't be covering that. I'm telling you now, babies.

The people said that the day would come when you would look at us with resentment because you had to apply for school loans while many of your friends got a free ride from their parents.

Maybe you will. Maybe you'll resent us. I really hope not. But maybe I should tell y'all now why your dad and I have decided to do what we are doing.

Read the whole thing

HT: Z

Creating a Culture of Adoption in the Church

Creating a Healthy Adoption Culture in Your Church from Tapestry on Vimeo.

Welcome Home Mary!!!!!!

Our friends, Mike and Jenny, have been pursuing adopting a baby from China for the past four years.  By God's grace, she is now theirs.  We rejoice with Mike and Jenny, and welcome Mary into our lives, our church, our family.  Our earnest prayer is that she would, through her earthly adoption, come to know the riches of the grace that God has for his children when he adopts us.

Tony Dungy on Adoption and being Pro-Life

Always Room for One More from Family First on Vimeo.

HT: Z

From Abortion to Adoption

HT: (The Resurgence)

Adopted (7) - C.J. Mahaney

This is humbling...

Reflect on this: God had a Son—a perfect Heir.

Which means that under the shadow of the ancient custom:

Your adoption was unnecessary.

My adoption was unnecessary.

Read this short post here.

T4A Live Stream

The "Together for Adoption" conference starts tonight, and they are livestreaming!

Check it out here.

Speakers include:
Dan Cruver
Scotty Smith
Scott Roley
Ed Stetzer
Michael Easley
Russell Moore

Three people from my church are attending the conference.  I'm looking forward to hearing from them about the conference and what God taught them.

HT: (Abba Fund)

Every Child is a Wanted Child

Greg Koukl:

Why is the life of an unwanted child ugly? What makes an unwanted child's life miserable? That's the question.

The initial answer is, "The unwanted child's life is not beautiful because she's not wanted." But it goes deeper than that, doesn't it? No child's life is miserable simply by the bare fact that she is unwanted. Being unwanted doesn't make her life miserable. In this case, it isn't a what which makes the child's life miserable (being unwanted), but rather a who that makes the child's life miserable (the people, the adults, the parents who don't want the child). You see, people are miserable not because of the conditions of their conception, but rather because of the way others treat them afterwards.

 Read the whole thing here.

Kevin Twit: How important is adoption to understanding Christianity?

The ultimate end of the gospel is to not just make us his friends, but to make us his sons.

Father of the Fatherless: Women Approaching God as Father

Back in 2000, Mary Kassian wrote this article for CBMW titled "Father of the Fatherless: Women Approaching God as Father." Here are a few brief excerpts.

Does every child need a father? Increasingly, our society's answer to this question is no, or at least not necessarily. Each night, about forty percent of American children will go to sleep in homes in which their fathers do not live.1 And not only have we as a society lost the presence of fathers, we have lost something more fundamental: We have lost our idea of fatherhood. We are living in a culture of fatherlessness.

The human need to be well-fathered is illustrated by the enormous response to Bob Carlisle's ballad, Butterfly Kisses. Butterfly Kisses is a song that speaks of the tender love between a father and his daughter. Reflecting upon the song's phenomenal success, Bob Carlisle said, "I get a lot of mail from young girls who try to get me to marry their moms. That used to be a real chuckle because it's so cute, but then I realized they don't want a romance for mom; they want the father who is in that song, and that just kills me."