Not much going on right now...

At first, my goal was to post as often as possible, because it would get me in the habit of looking for things to do with Adoption.  Also, I guess I was hoping that there would be at least some tidbit of news to share on a frequent basis. 

 

This week, at least, I think I realized that it might sometimes be a while between events.  I can't expect this thing to be a quick, fast-moving process.  Yeah, we have to be on top of things, and that can help speed this process along, but there might be weeks where nothing happens.  Or weeks (maybe months) when nothing is new.

 

I guess I hope I can escape the tendency to not post stuff here when that happens.

 

In the mean-time, we've heard back from the state.  Tricia was going to call them today and set up a home-visit for the 4th (Next Friday).  This is an intial "get to know you" type of meeting with DFS.  Don't quite know what to expect, but I have a feeling it's going to be low-key enough.  Probably more of a "get-to-know-you" and "Why are you doing this" type of meeting. 

 

Please join us in continuing to pray that God would be glorified in this, and that we would have faith that He is at work, even when we don't see things happening.

PACE Class - Part 1, 2, 3, and 6

So our 6 hour training only lasted 3 1/2 hours! We got there and our instructor said, "It's a nice day, so let's get done early!"

We went through PACE classes 1, 2, 3 and 6. PACE stands for "Partners in Alternative Care Education." It's a course (or set of 12 courses) that are put on by the state designed to inform Foster Caregivers of their roles, responsibilities, and the challenges they might face as they foster.

There are 12 classes. We went to 4.

1. Orientation and overview of Foster Care, Kinship, and Adoption.
2. Team building
3. Family Systems and Abuse and Neglect.
4. Impact of Abuse and Neglect on Child Development.
5. Attachment, Separation and Placement.
6. Discipline and Behavior Management.
7. Cultural Issues in Placement.
8. Primary Families
9. Sexual Abuse.
10. Effects of Care giving on the Family.
11. Permanency Issues for Children.
12. Permanency Issues for Families.

Since we've completed these four courses, we're now eligible to take Foster care placements. Of course, we're not licensed yet, so it's all irrelevant.

Here's the big kicker. State rules regarding requirements for adoption education are changing. We may (or may not) have met the requirements by attending these classes. It'll be up to the individual caseworker as to whether or not they want to accept these classes. We're praying that they will.

Training Day

No, We're not going to see the Denzel Washington movie.  No, Denzel is not coming to our house.  And No, Denzel is not my long-lost cousin.

 

Today is Training Day.  The State of Wisconsin requires each foster family to go through 12 hours of training to be licensed.  (These rules are changing right now, and no one really knows what the end result will be.)  So, we're going to CIP (Community Impact Program) in about a half hour for six hours of classes.  It's hard to know what to expect. 

 

Anyway.  I'm sure we'll have much to blog about in 6 hours or so.

Encouraging E-Mails

We recieved this e-mail from Tricia's Aunt today. It was very encouraging, yet saddening to read. (Is "saddening" a word?) Rita and Merle work with Impact North ministries in Canada. (Rita, I hope this is OK)... I wanted to share this for a couple of reasons. First of all, so that you might pray for what God is doing in Canada. Second of all, that we might pray that God would cause the governments to soften their position on "white" people adopting Native children.

Dear Kyle and Tricia,
Thanks for including us in your mass email!:) We are behind you all the way in your adoption plans and procedures. I enjoyed reading your blog, too and will keep checking in on it from time to time. I wish I could connect you with some of the needy kids in this area. However, for some time now it's been extremely difficult for native kids to be adopted to anyone in the States or to "white" parents.

Today Merle and I plan to fly up to Pikangikum to visit Colleen, our single missionary up there. Then tomorrow we want to fly further north to visit the Lyndaker's at Poplar Hill. At both places I hope to connect with some of the young girls that I've cared for out here in R.L while they were in Child and Family Services care. There is so much sadness in these communities as well as pain, grief, heartache, etc., etc.
Take care,
Rita

It's amazing how laws and policies are built to make these children only adoptable by other Native Americans. While I respect the government's desire to make sure these kids are adopted from within their own culture, the sad reality is that there are more adoptable Native American children than there are available Native American homes willing and/or able to adopt.

It's extremely frustrating knowing that a "no home is better than a non-Native home" attitude is held by the very ones who are supposed to protect and serve these kids. I know that whoever we adopt, there will be a culture adjustment, both by Tricia and I, and by the child. We may end up adopting a child from Arizona or North Carolina or somewhere else, and those are vastly different cultures than even here in Wisconsin. Then they will have to get used to Tricia's family culture, and hanging out with all those Amish people. :) Heritage will change, and will evolve. But, what is most important in my mind is that these kids have good homes. That transcends culture. Or it should.

Feedback

I wanted to say a big "Thank You" to everyone who has taken the time to respond with encouragement and prayers to the e-mail we sent out on Thursday. It's amazing to know that we're part of a family and community that cares the way that you all do. Thank You!

Off Topic, but Fun...

Want to know how to get from Kenosha to Paris?

 

Google Maps has the route .

 

Check out Step # 21.

I didn't know this...

One more tidbit from the meeting on Tuesday (oh yes, there will be more)...

Special Needs Adoptions in Wisconsin (and probably many other states) are no cost or very low cost (at the most, the cost of a new birth certificate and some minor court fees).

Even agencies like Bethany and Lutheran Social Services, etc.  The state contracts through them and pays the expenses. Southeast Wisconsin is mostly covered by the Children's Hospital system, they have an agency, but I forget the name off hand...  Bethany works in the Northeast part of the state.

Good to know.

The Way It Works

One of the things I found interesting at our informational meeting was the flow chart of the "Special Needs Adoption Process."

1. Attend an Informational Meeting
2. Family Building Consultation
3. Application
4. Resource Family Assessment (Homestudy)
5. Matching
6. Placement
7. Finalization
8. Post Adoptive

Update on Kyle and Tricia Holder

NOTE: This is an e-mail that I sent out to our friends and family just a few seconds ago.

Hello,

First of all, I wanted to apologize for the impersonal nature of this e-mail. Tricia and I are not ones to send out mass e-mails with the latest "What's Up with the Holders" news and such. Our style is much more of the "sit down and chat about stuff for a while." Well, because of the sweeping nature of what's been going on in our lives, and the fact that we are likely separated by many miles (in at least one case, well, it's a LOT of miles to Madagascar), we feel that the e-mail route is the best.

For the past five years that Tricia and I have been married, we have often heard of children who were in need. Sometimes this was a physical need, sometimes spiritual, but what has captured our hearts so often have been children who need a home and a family. We have often prayed and asked what we can do, and recently have recieved an answer to that prayer. Tricia and I believe that God is leading us to adopt a child sometime in the next year.

We are currently at the beginning stages of this process, and don't have a whole lot of answers to the questions that may be swirling around in your heads right now. Here's what we do know. There are about 150,000 children in the United States who are on a path to adoption in one form or another. Some are legally free for adoption, and are waiting to find homes. Others are in some sort of transition. We believe that God is asking us to adopt a child from the Foster Care system somewhere in the United States. We believe that He has given us wisdom in this, and has placed a few categories in our thoughts. At this point, we're considering a 5 to 10 year old girl. That's as specific as we have right now.

So, here we are, with this long road ahead of us, one that will be both challenging and rewarding. I think there are three things that we would like you to consider. First, would you join us in praying for not only this process, but for Tricia and I. We need wisdom. Not only for this process, but for the transition from parenting a cat to parenting a child. Please also pray for the child that eventually will be ours. Wow. That sentence carries a lot of weight and responsibility.

Second, a friend of ours made the suggestion that we tell everyone we know (and even people we don't know) about this. They said that you never know when or where an opportunity will show up. They adopted a little girl after a pastor at a church in another state heard about them, and knew about a situation in their town. So, we wanted to bring you into our "network" so to speak.

Third, as there are over 100 people in this e-mail list, it will be hard to keep each of you posted on the progress. So, we've set up a website (or blog), that you can check in on every once in a while (or every day if you want) and see how things are going. It's located at http://hosea14-3.blogspot.com. We're trying to be faithful about posting something on there daily. Sometimes it's a link to a website we've found, sometimes a resource, sometimes more. I think this site will serve two (and hopefully many more) purposes. First, a place for us to put valuable information, so we don't forget. And second, we know there are others who may travel down this same road, and anything we can do to serve them is our pleasure and privilege.

Thank you for taking the time to read this long e-mail. Please feel free to write back and ask questions at any time.

With much love,
Kyle and Tricia Holder

Thoughts from the meeting.

I'm sitting in my car at Miller Park, and I just found that they have public wireless access here.  Makes sense, since Road Runner is a big sponsor of the Brewers.  Pretty Cool.

 

I wanted to take a few minutes and put down some thoughts from the meeting last night, so as to not lose them, and so as to be a helpful resource for others who might follow.

 

75% of children who are placed for Foster Care are eventually reunitied with their families.

21% of the children who are placed for Foster Care are eventually adopted by their Foster Care families.

4% of the children who are placed for Foster Care are eventually adopted by people like us.  People looking specifically to adopt.

 

Then, there's the issue of open adoptions.  When you're adopting a baby, you have the option for an Open Adoption (which could cover a whole broad spectrum of things), or Closed Adoption, which basically means that the child has no contact and sometimes no knowledge of their birth parents. 

 

When you adopt an older child, there is no choice.  To some degree.  They will know who their parents are.  They will remember.  They will likely remember the abuse, and the neglect, or the abandonment.  They might think it's their fault.  They might think that it is impossible to be loved, because if the people who should love them the most (birth parents) don't love them, how can anyone else. 

 

I think my tendency is to want to adopt a child and then help them to forget, or try to erase the wrong that was done to them.  What we learned last night is that's not necessarily an option.  It is our option whether or not we choose to talk about it, or it becomes one of the "Skeletons in the closet."  However, will that be best for the child.  We were told last night that while our desire is for the child to forget, remembering and coming to terms with the wrong that was done to them might just be the best therapy. 

 

If we try to erase the wrong, we are trying to erase part of what made the child who they are.  Our job is to help them understand how their experience shapes who they are.  What an amazing opportunity for the Gospel that I never would have thought of.  What an amazing opportunity to show them that though they were hurt, there is One who will never hurt them, though they were abandoned, there is One who will never abandon them.  I look forward to those conversations, and to see our future daughter grow in the Grace and Knowledge of the Lord through understanding her past, and where she came from. 

 

I am not naieve about this, it won't be easy.  But, what an opportunity for Tricia and I to live the Gospel. We certainly will not abandon her, nor hurt her.  Tricia will be her "Mama" and I will be her "Daddy."  How amazing is it that God gives us that opportunity.  It's a ministry, really, but so much more.

 

I think I'm going to break the thoughts up into a few posts...

 

Thanks for reading!

Lets Go Brewers... Uhhh. Indians...

OK. So this is a little off topic. Actually a lot off topic.

Read this story or This one or This Story and Video

The Indians have found themselves homeless, due to snow. Milwaukee gave them a home, and boy, did they give them a home. MLB said they would be happy if 5,000 people showed up to last night's game. The Brewer's management said they expected 10,000. I wonder what they thought when they saw the final count of 19,000 + fans.

Tricia and I are going to the game tonight. We have amazing seats (section 117, Row 11), all for $10.

I'm proud to be a Wisconsin-ite right now. I could actually make this post on topic by making connections of how Milwaukee gave the orphaned Indians a home, and adopted them for a week... But, what does that say about our state. We love Baseball. Milwaukee is a great Baseball town. It'll be fun to be part of history tonight.

I saw a news report this morning asking a fan who they were rooting for at the game last night. The reply: "Good Baseball."

Did You Know

Did you know that you can get our posts through the e-mail?

 

Here's the deal.  Enter your e-mail in the box on the right hand side of the page, then press the "Subscribe Me" button.  That will take you to a page where they ask you to look at a picture with some numbers and letters in it, and type it into a box.  This will keep automated spam stuff from gumming up the system.  Anyway.  Once you type in all those letters and numbers, you should start seeing e-mails from us...  Well...  The computer...

 

Every night at midnight (or so), a robot (not a real robot, just a computer program called a robot) sniffs through our blog for new stuff, and if it finds anything, it'll send it to you in an e-mail.  Pretty cool, huh?

 

The serviice, FeedBlitz.com promises no ads, so if you see any ads, let me know...

 

Enjoy!

 

Why?

Well, Today is Tuesday.  At 3:30 this afternoon, we have our Special Needs Adoption Orientation Meeting in Racine.  I'm not sure what to expect.  Hopefully this evening, either Trish or I will post our thoughts and stuff about what we learned. 

 

We've had a few questions from people about the direction we are going (pursuing public resources for adoption) and if that is the best way, and why we are going that way, rather than going through a private adoption agency.  The answer is simple, actually...  Cash. 

 

I hate to sound crude, crass, or anything like that regarding such a significant decision as adoption, but there is a reality there.  Here's the question that Trish and I asked.  Considering what God has graciously given us in terms of finances, as well as our desire to be good stewards of what God has given us, as well as this desire to adopt, what is the best way to pursue this "calling" financially?  The decision to not pursue a private adoption agency was quite simple. 

 

We don't have the kind of money that they require.  Agencies depend on the adoptive families for funding.  Though they are doing amazing things and fulfilling a Biblical principle, we just don't have the $20,000 to $40,000 that are the typical fees of a private agency.  I also know that the Government has a vested interest in helping orphaned or abandoned kids find homes. 

 

Paul says in Romans 13

 

"For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God's servant for your good."

 

God has given us government for our good, and that means that He has instituted the Adoption programs that our Government has, as a means of grace not only to the lives of the children that they impact, but in the lives of those who wish to adopt.  If it were not for those programs, we would not be in a financial position to puruse this. 

 

If I am reading my Bible correctly, then the public, government funded adoption agency is just as ordained of God as a private, faith-based Christian agency.  And, I think we honor God by our pursuit of Adoption itself, not by whom we choose to adopt through.

 

3:30 draws near...

 

 

 

Adoption Sermons

Adoption is a key theme in the Bible, not only from the perspective that we as Christians are to care for Orphans and Widows, but in that God has adopted us as sons and daughters. Here are two links to some sermons that I've found recently. One was preached at our church, CrossWay Community Church in January 2007, and the second is a sermon by John Piper. I highly recommend both.

http://www.crosswayonline.org/sermons/20070121MikeBullmore.mp3

Here is a link to a sermon by John Piper, titled "Adoption - The Heart of the Gospel." Edit: There is a link at the top of this page to listen to this sermon.

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/EventMessages/ByDate/1991_Adoption_The_Heart_of_the_Gospel/

If anyone knows of any other solid teaching on Adoption, send it to us, we'll evaluate it and post it here.

Big list of Adoption Resources

I just ran across this big list of adoption resources. It's maintained by Families With Children from China (FWCC), but it seems to have some good Adoption Resources in general.

http://www.fwcc.org/internetsources.html

Tuesday

Next Tuesday, we have an Special Needs Adoption Orientation meeting in Racine.  Please pray for us in that meeting.

 

I found out that in Wisconsin, any child that is in the foster care system is considered "Special Needs."  So the definition is not necessarily limited to health, learning, or psychological issues a child may have.

The Adoption Clubhouse

http://www.adoptionclubhouse.org/

This is a site where kids (and adults) can go to learn about Adoption. I just found it, and haven't yet spent much time there. If I find some cool stuff I'll write about it.

Be Proactive...

I found an adoption message board tonight, and ran across this interesting post...

 

http://forums.adoption.com/foster-child-adoption-stories/183534-anyone-waiting-adopt-thru-state-recently-adopted-thru-state.html

 

 Well we started over 16 months ago and were basically told the same as you. Problem is they dont tell you to be proactive, your worker, if she is like most , will tell you "Now the long part begins, the waiting for us to match a child with you, be patient and we will contact you soon.." What a load of hog wash.
I found out early that if you dont call at least once a week your waiting time gets longer and longer. We are at the point of visitation with our DD.
Once we started visitations I apologized to our worker for all the phone calls, she then told me that the families that are truely interested in adopting are the ones that keep hounding them, the ones that dont call and set and wait are usually the ones that get chosen two or three years down the road.
Take my advice and those of others from this room, search for childern on the net, call at least once aweek and ask if they have any info, demand to get to go to the adoption parties or what ever they call them in your state.
If you find a child at one of these, find thier worker and spend alot of time getting to know them, email them and ask if they have chosen a family for the child yet.Do as much of the leg work as you can, contact everyone you can, make it so when they hear your name the workers cringe because they havent found you a child yet , .
I know it sounds bad, but if you do all of this you will find a child one that you will match thier needs. and the workers will do thier best to get everything moveing, just to keep you off thier back...

 

Oh.  One more thing.  Feel free to tell your friends and family about this blog.  One thing a friend of us told us is "tell as many people as you can that you want to adopt.  You never know who you talk to knows of a person who knows of a child that's waiting."  Great advice!