Wednesday, December 26, 2007

This is just plain cool.

You've got to read this article.

Here's an excerpt.

Then, around Christmas, a sister told Captain Southworth that Ala'a was getting too big. He would have to move to a government-run facility within a year.

"Best case scenario was that he would stare at a blank wall for the rest of his life," Captain Southworth said.

To this day, he recalls the moment when he resolved that that would not happen.

"I'll adopt him," he said.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Christmas and Adoption

The good folks over at Carolina Hope Adoption get it. They get the connection between the Gospel and Adoption.

They've written a blog entitled "Don't just celebrate Christmas, celebrate your adoption."

Here's a little excerpt:

If you think about it, what we celebrate during the Christmas season—God sending His Son to redeem us—was for the purpose of giving us adoption as sons. According to Paul, God the Father sent His eternal Son into the world so that we might receive the status of sons and eternally share in the Son’s communion with Him.

I think I might take it one minor step further, saying that all of this was ultimately for God's glory, not our own. But, I doubt that CHA would disagree.

Merry Christmas!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Third Day

Brad Avery (Guitarist for the band Third Day) and his family adopted a child from China this year (2007). Tricia and I went to their concert last night, and they played a song that he wrote about the "experience", called "Merry Christmas." It's on the Christmas Offerings CD. (You can get the CD with the link below. I'd highly recommend the CD anyway. They've written a new verse to "What Child is This." (Unfortunately, I don't have them right in front of me.)

Anyway. Check this stuff out.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

The Brotherhood of Sons

Dr. Russell Moore from Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, has a phenomenal article, entitled The Brotherhood of Sons: What Some Rude Questions About Adoption Taught Me About the Gospel of Christ.  It's a good 15 minute commitment to read, but well worth it.  Here's an excerpt:

“They are now,” I replied. “Yes,” the lady snapped, “I know. But are they really brothers?” Clenching my jaw, I coolly responded, “Yes, now they are both our children so they are now really brothers.” The woman sighed, rolled her eyes, and said, “Well, you know what I mean.”

Of course, we did know what she meant. She meant did these two boys—born three weeks apart—share a common biological ancestry, a common bloodline, some common DNA. It struck me that this question betrayed what most of us tend to view as really important when it comes to sonship: traceable genetic material.

This is the reason people would also ask us, “So do you also have any children of your own?” And it is the reason newspaper obituaries will often refer to the deceased’s “adopted child,” as though this were the equivalent of a stepchild or a protégé, rather than a real offspring.

...

I suppose the root of my annoyance with the question “Are they brothers?” really lay here. It seemed that the good-intentioned conversationalists saw these children as somehow not quite part of our family, as though, if they were “really brothers,” then “at least they’ll have each other.” The same is true of other questions people asked us: “Have you ever seen their mother?” (“Why, yes, and you’ve seen her too. Have you met my wife Maria?”) or “Do you worry that their real parents will ever show up?”

Friday, December 7, 2007

Steven Curtis Chapman on The Gospel and Adoption

Steven Curtis Chapman: Adoption takes the Gospel and it makes it real in a profound way that nothing else does…I mean, every time one of the 3 girls run in the room it’s like there’s the Gospel again. There’s a little girl by no merit of her own, by nothing she could do, nothing she did to earn this, only by the miracle of adoption God placed her in our family. Now she has an inheritance, now she has a name, now she has a future, now she has hope where she didn’t have that before. I think my kids see that, I think they get it…It’s been so amazing to watch especially my sons…watching my boys, have little sisters, who not only are little sisters but are little sisters who they’ve seen go from helplessness…just to watch them relate to them, watch them be big brothers to these little sisters. I’ve watched them blossom and become so much better men as a result of it. It’s so cool to hear them talk about what their families are going to look like one day. “I want to have one from India, one from Africa, one from China”. They’re formulating these rainbow families, of all colors. It’s so exciting for me as a Dad…It’s opened their hearts and it’s opened their eyes to the Gospel, to the Big Story of God…all over the world and not just our little picture we get of it in our culture.


(HT: Rightnow.org)

Monday, November 19, 2007

The Doctrine of Adoption

Carolina Hope Adoption agency interviews Dr. Dave Garner on the Doctrine of Adoption (spiritually), and discusses it's implications on earthly adoption.

Enjoy!

Friday, November 9, 2007

From Adopted to Adoption

Justin Taylor has posted a particularly good article, From Adopted to Adoption.


At one point, he makes a striking claim that I have never thought about. That Jesus was adopted. Here's that excerpt.

Jesus Was Adopted

Have you ever stopped to think that Jesus Christ was himself adopted? Now we have to be careful — if we say that he was adopted by his eternal heavenly Father than we've expressed a heretical understanding! But at the same time, it's often easy to forget that Joseph was Jesus' earthly father — they had no biological connection but the relationship was very significant and real.


A very good read. Go ahead. Click that link.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Diagnostic Questions for People Considering Adoption/Foster Care

These questions are from an Adoption Ministry meeting our church had a few weeks ago.  They were very insightful and helpful.

  1. How long have you been a Christian?
  2. How would you describe your Spiritual health?
  3. If you are married, how would you describe the health of your marriage?
  4. What are your goals as a parent?
  5. What were the circumstances that stirred your interest in Adoption or Foster Care?
  6. If you are married, do you both feel the same level of interest?
  7. Why do you want to adopt?
  8. What makes this a good time to adopt?
  9. Do you foresee any challenges in raising an adopted child?  If so, what?
  10. How do you plan on financing the adoption?

Thursday, November 1, 2007

100%

Several years ago, I was presented with a ministry opportunity in Montana as a Worship and Youth pastor. It was something right up my alley, and, quite frankly, something I really wanted to do. Over several months, as Tricia and I sought God's wisdom on the situation, I became more and more convinced that this would be the right move to make. We researched the town, the church, the state, and everything else we could think of. I was convinced. I asked Tricia what she thought, and she said "Well, I'm not 100% there, but if you think this is what God wants us to do, then let's go for it."


In the midst of this decision making process, we found ourselves in the Twin cities, visiting some friends. I ended up talking to the pastor of their church (who we had gotten to know) about this, and asked him for wisdom. It was at that moment that he gave me one of the most profound pieces of wisdom I'd ever heard.


"If your wife isn't 100% behind this, don't do it." Plain and simple. He told me that he's seen too many pastors' marriages broken because the husband pursued what "God wanted him to do" to the exclusion of his wife. In big decisions like that, God wants us to be in unity as a family. I think the bottom line question for me was this: Do I desire to be in ministry more than I desire unity with my wife?


It was a tough thing to have to withdraw from the process, but I learned something in the process. God has given my wife to me for my good, and for His glory. My most significant ministry opportunity and responsibility is with my wife. At that point in our marriage (5 years ago), I'm not sure that I knew how to care for her, and going into this ministry opportunity would have furthered my ignorance and sin in not caring for her.


But, this blog is about adoption. I think there are some valuable lessons to be learned here too. In a decision as significant as whether or not to adopt, it is vital that there is 100% unity between husband and wife. If the wife is 100% there, and the husband is only 75% there... wait. If the husband is 100% there and the wife is 99% there... wait. If you are the one who is 100% there, pray for your spouse. If you are the one who is 75% there, pray for your spouse who is 100% there. Pray for unity in whatever decision is to be made.


There is much more that could be said about this topic, and maybe I'll explore it a little more as time goes on. If you have any thoughts or comments, please let us know!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Talking with kids about adoption...

I posted this website a while back, and I didn't know much about it. I still don't know much about it, or them, but they seem to have solid, biblical resources and thoughts. This is a helpful little article that sets up some categories and suggestions for chatting with your kids about adoption.

http://adoptivedads.org/chatting-with-kids-about-adoption/

"Encouragement for Foster Parents"

This is a quick read, but was very encouraging for me. I won't say
more. Gotta read it!

http://adoptivedads.org/encouragement-for-foster-parents/


Here's the original post from Josh Harris


Adoption: The heart of the Gospel

A while back, I posted a link to a sermon by John Piper entitled "Adoption: The heart of the Gospel." A few weeks ago, our church had an adoption meeting, and this article was passed out. Just thought I'd re-post it to keep it fresh. This is about God's heart towards adoption, and worth the read, even if you aren't considering adoption.

Adoption: The Heart of the Gospel

New Look

Since I haven't posted anything on here for a long time, I figure I'd update the look of the site. I don't know how often I'll do this, but I'm playing with blogger templates a little, and decided to create a new one for this site.

Any comments?

Altrogge on Adoption

Carolina Hope Adoption interviews Mark Altrogge on "The Gospel and
Adopting Older Children."

http://www.carolinahopeadoption.org/blog/archives/143

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Transracial Adoption and the Gospel

Haven't been posting much lately, but here's a good interview with Thabiti Anyabwile, pastor of First Baptist Church of Grand Cayman.

View the post from Carolina Hope Adoption

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Financing an Adoption (Justin Taylor)

Here's a list of a few adoption financing resources from Justin Taylor.

http://theologica.blogspot.com/2007/08/financing-adoption.html

Justin Taylor and Adoption

I've been reading a lot of Justin Taylor lately (his blog is on my home page). I just learned in this post (http://theologica.blogspot.com/2007/08/adoption-tip-jar.html ) that he and his wife have adopted twice before, and are moving toward adopting their third.

It's amazing to me how many families are opening their hearts to Adoption. A few weeks ago, we had a meeting with our church in which about 12 couples who have adopted, or are in the process of adopting got together and shared what they had been going through, and how God had built their faith (and sometimes challenged them) in this process.

I realize that we haven't written much here lately, hopefully that will change. We're in the midst of making a few more decisions that will undoubtedly get us further down this adoption road.

Again, thanks for reading!

Monday, July 23, 2007

Writing...

I don't claim to be much of a poet, or a songwriter, but lately, I've been going in both directions.  I've got a few ideas for songs, and if anyone has any ideas or feedback, please let me know.

Here's a chorus for one:

But You were pierced for my sins,

You were crushed for my transgressions

You were punished, I am free

Surely, You have borne my grief,

Your sacrifice has bought my peace

By Your wounds, I am free


Another idea...

Great God of Heaven, Lord of might,

King of Kings, You shine so bright,

You purchased my sin on Calvary's tree,

Full forgiveness, how can it be?

 

Deceived by sin and my own pride,

Always wandering from Your side,

A prodigal I'm bound to be,

Then You came and rescued me.

That part is bolded because I really like it.  I'm not sure I like it with the rest of the stuff in there...

Any thoughts?  Suggestions?  Feedback?

 


Thursday, July 12, 2007

Adoption in Russia

From: http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-07-10-adopt_N.htm

Russia renews adoption agencies' licenses
By Wendy Koch, USA TODAY
Russia has reopened its doors to Americans who want to adopt children, re-accrediting seven adoption agencies based in the USA.

Licenses granted in the past two weeks will enable the agencies to resume helping Americans adopt from among the 700,000 Russian children in orphanages, says Lee Allen, spokesman for the private National Council For Adoption.

As many as 44 American agencies had been working in Russia, he says.

"This is the first positive movement we've seen in a long time," Allen says. "We're very encouraged by it."

Russia has been a top destination for Americans seeking to adopt foreign children, ranking third behind China and Guatemala in 2006, according to the State Department.

Last year, 3,706 Russian adoptees came to the USA, a decline from a peak of 5,865 in 2004.

The number of adoptions began slowing last year as the annual licenses of American agencies started to expire.

The last two licenses expired in April, according to the website of Russia's Washington, D.C., embassy.

The agencies applied for renewal as Russia implemented tighter rules.

Most adoptions were put on hold, although some independently arranged ones proceeded.

"Many thousands of kids may have lost their opportunity" to be adopted when licenses expired, Allen says.

The new licenses have no expiration date but can be reconsidered at any time.

The Russian government did not respond to requests for comment.

"We have some people who've been waiting" to adopt, says John Bentz, president of International Assistance Group in Oakmont, Pa., one of the first seven American adoption agencies to win reapproval. "It will take some time."

"There are plenty of kids who need homes," says Joan Jaeger, spokeswoman for The Cradle in Evanston, Ill., one of the agencies re-accredited.

She says placing a child with an American family can take up to a year. She says the cost is comparable to domestic adoption: about $30,000, including two trips to Russia.

The other agencies re-accredited are Cradle of Hope in Silver Spring, Md.; The Frank Adoption Center in Raleigh, N.C.; Family and Children's Agency in Norwalk, Conn; Catholic Social Services, which is nationwide; and Children's Home Society & Family Services in St. Paul.


The Birdies Flew

I was reminded this morning of the fact that even though I am saved, yet I still sin.  An incident happened this morning that reminded me of that simple, yet important fact. 

I was driving into work, and I happened upon a vehicle that had an Icthus fish on its bumper.  You know, one of those little silver guys that says "Jesus" on it.  They were in the next lane over.  I didn't think much about it, but for some reason, the fact that this blue vehicle had one of these little fish on it made an impression on me. 

Traffic in that lane slowed down a bit, but after a minute or two, it picked up a little.  As I drove past this vehicle again, I noticed that the driver was proudly (and with apparently extreme anger) displaying a bird in my direction.  They then slammed the vehicle into my lane directly behind me.  I can only assume that the bird was directed at me (as well as the anger) because I unknowingly prevented them from occupying the spot in my lane that I had just occupied.  Within a few minutes, they had passed around me again, and were gone.

If nothing else, this was a reminder that even though I am saved, I am extremely prone to sin.  Putting a fish on my car doesn't save me, Christ does.

I don't have a fish on my car.  And, it's not because I drive and flip people off all the time.  I've never done that.  But, I think the main reason that I don't have one on my car is the fact that it doesn't sufficiently explain to a non-believer that they are a sinner who deserves the wrath of God, but that they can be saved from that wrath by putting their faith in Christ.

I know this isn't specifically about adoption, but I wanted to write this down.  Thanks for reading!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Fantastic Blog Article

Why Does America Have Orphans If It Has Christian Churches?

America has nearly 115,000 orphaned kids in foster care waiting to be adopted. Some wonder how this is possible in a country with Christian families. Surely, there are 115,000 missional families in America, right? Missional families, for example, embrace the redemptive mission of God and practice "true religion" in their local communities (James 1:27). Missional Christians in America could eliminate the foster care system tomorrow if we would stop "shootin' up" with the American Dream (heroine) in order to get high on a lame life lived for the sake of comfort and ease.

Perhaps a little edgy at times, but worth a read... And discussion...

Read the whole article here:
Orphans vs. the American Dream

Thanks for reading...

Update: The link is now updated - the Resurgence no longer has the post online.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

New Attitude Photos

I've posted a few photos that I took from New Attitude over at our photo blog. Check it out if you're interested. I'll post more about the weekend later.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

New Attitude

Today, Tricia and I are leaving for Louisville, KY to attend the New Attitude conference. New Attitude is a conference that was originally designed for singles (and this year they opened it up to young married couples as well). YEAH! They still consider us young!

The topic of this year's conference is discernment, and speakers include Josh Harris, C.J. Mahaney, Mark Dever, Al Mohler and John Piper. We're really looking forward to spending the weekend with 3,000 other people at this conference.

One of the drives of this conference is helping young people to embrace "Humble Orthodoxy." In other words, a desire to have "a commitment to believing, living, and representing the truth with humility" (Got that from Bob Kauflin's blog. Not sure where he got it. Probably from Josh or someone like that.)

See you on Wednesday.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Prayers for this week...

Hi Everyone,

There really hasn't been much happening on the Adoption front lately.  There is a reason, which I will explain here.

For the past 7 years, we've attended what we think is the best church on the planet, CrossWay.  Well, CrossWay is planning on planting a church in Milwaukee in the next 9 months to a year, and Tricia and I are considering going.  This would mean a move for us, since our desire is to be physically close to our church.  As you can probably imagine, this may have an impact on the adoption process.  We're trying to figure that out right now.

I think it's a situation of this:  should we decide to go on the plant, we feel we should decide before long.  We don't want to be in a position of adopting a child, and then moving to Milwaukee right away.  I think we'd rather move first, then start the home-studies, etc.

So, at this point, there is no movement on the Adoption, and there may not be for a few weeks till we figure out this whole Milwaukee thing.

In light of that, would you please pray for us for:
  • Wisdom.  We want to do the right thing and make the right decisions for the right reasons.
  • Patience.  I think we're realizing that the questions are a lot easier to ask than they are to answer.
  • Clarity. 
Thanks for reading.  (And for praying)

Monday, May 14, 2007

Adoptive Dad's

This is a resource site for guys connected to adoption or foster care at any level. Whether you're an adoptive or foster dad yourself, or have siblings, in-laws, friends, or even children thinking about/investigating/diving head–first into adoption or foster care, this site's for you. Welcome!

I'm still evaluating this, but here's the link.  If you have any comments, please let me know.

http://adoptivedads.org/

Moore Than a Birthday

Five years ago today my oldest son, Benjamin, was born. Five years ago on June 19th my middle son, Timothy, was born. I missed both days. I didn't send out any "It's a Boy" notices. I didn't deliver flowers to my wife. I don't even know what I was doing on those days in May and June of 2001, except probably writing away on my dissertation. It's not that I was a deadbeat dad five years ago. I just wasn't a dad. I missed my sons' births because I didn't know they were born.

Read More: http://henryinstitute.org/commentary_read.php?cid=236

Monday, May 7, 2007

Friday's Meeting

I just wanted to provide a quick update on the meeting we had on Friday.  We met with the Special Needs Adoption coordinator for the state of Wisconsin for about an hour on Friday.  It was primarily a "get to know you" type of thing, so not too much pressure.  She asked us some questions about why we are pursuing this, etc. 

The worker walked in, and said "I love the color of your Kitchen.  If it were up to me, I'd approve you right now."  That really set the tone of the meeting.  She said that she was impressed by how much we'd done our homework, and already invested in the process. 

Cool.

So from here, we should get an application in the mail in a few weeks, then fill it out, send it back in, they'll review it and if all goes well, we'll have a caseworker assigned to us by June.

Prayer Requests
  • That we'd remain faith-filled in this process.
  • That all glory and honor for "success" would be God's.
  • That Tricia and I would be discerning, and seek God's will for other decisions that need to be made regarding our lives (both in light of the adoption and not.)
Thanks for reading!

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

A bad experience...

After we sent out our big e-mail a few weeks back, a friend responded with some encouragement and some warning for us.  I asked his permission to share this.  I've edited some of it for length.

We looked into this ourselves & were considering it fairly last year. We found that the social worker doing the home study, even though it was through a "religious" organization was really put off by us being forthright with our Christianity. It's fine to be a Christian as long as it doesn't affect the rest of your life, especially child rearing. There's a lot of psychologizing and they really buy into it in a major way.

We found that our interest in seeking help through the church first was a negative thing in their eyes as they wanted to hear that we would run to a psychologist for treatment and have a child on psychotropic drugs long-term. They were so concerned about our gospel focus that they wanted to have us go through a psychological eval. After all, no one who would go to the church instead of turning to a psychologist (the priests of the humanist religion) could possibly be fit to parent.  The interesting thing was that they were amazed at how well behaved Ruth was and how much she loved her mom & dad, which should have been a clue to them.

If they catch wind that you don't buy into their religion (psychology) they will not give a favorable home study. Even with regular adoption though they really probe on the spanking issue & if they find out you spank they say you're an abuser and won't write a favorable study until you go through brainwashing to learn more appropriate (self-esteem building) parenting methods. We were actually told that there is absolutely no instance in which it is ever appropriate to spank a child as it was tantamount to abuse. So, the best thing I can say from our experience is be as shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves.
 
I'll post more of his thoughts later.  They're intriguing...

This is not the kind of news we like to hear...

Adoption Scam Leaves Wis. Family Heartbroken
Lauren Leamanczyk
 
CAMPBELLSPORT - A Campbellsport family is heartbroken after becoming victims of an international adoption agency.

Mark and Heather Demmon decided about two years ago to share their home with a needy child. They found two little girls from Guatemala named Flor and Linda.

The adoption agency with the girls' case was Minnesota-based Reaching Arms International. They started the process last June. Now, nearly a year later, the Demmons are out $30,000 and they still have no child. The couple told their story to TODAY'S TMJ4 reporter Lauren Leamanczyk.
 
Read the rest of the story here...
 
 

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Not much going on right now...

At first, my goal was to post as often as possible, because it would get me in the habit of looking for things to do with Adoption.  Also, I guess I was hoping that there would be at least some tidbit of news to share on a frequent basis. 
 
This week, at least, I think I realized that it might sometimes be a while between events.  I can't expect this thing to be a quick, fast-moving process.  Yeah, we have to be on top of things, and that can help speed this process along, but there might be weeks where nothing happens.  Or weeks (maybe months) when nothing is new.
 
I guess I hope I can escape the tendency to not post stuff here when that happens.
 
In the mean-time, we've heard back from the state.  Tricia was going to call them today and set up a home-visit for the 4th (Next Friday).  This is an intial "get to know you" type of meeting with DFS.  Don't quite know what to expect, but I have a feeling it's going to be low-key enough.  Probably more of a "get-to-know-you" and "Why are you doing this" type of meeting. 
 
Please join us in continuing to pray that God would be glorified in this, and that we would have faith that He is at work, even when we don't see things happening.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

PACE Class - Part 1, 2, 3, and 6

So our 6 hour training only lasted 3 1/2 hours! We got there and our instructor said, "It's a nice day, so let's get done early!"

We went through PACE classes 1, 2, 3 and 6. PACE stands for "Partners in Alternative Care Education." It's a course (or set of 12 courses) that are put on by the state designed to inform Foster Caregivers of their roles, responsibilities, and the challenges they might face as they foster.

There are 12 classes. We went to 4.
  1. Orientation and overview of Foster Care, Kinship, and Adoption.
  2. Team building
  3. Family Systems and Abuse and Neglect.
  4. Impact of Abuse and Neglect on Child Development.
  5. Attachment, Separation and Placement.
  6. Discipline and Behavior Management.
  7. Cultural Issues in Placement.
  8. Primary Families
  9. Sexual Abuse.
  10. Effects of Care giving on the Family.
  11. Permanency Issues for Children.
  12. Permanency Issues for Families.

Since we've completed these four courses, we're now eligible to take Foster care placements. Of course, we're not licensed yet, so it's all irrelevant.

Here's the big kicker. State rules regarding requirements for adoption education are changing. We may (or may not) have met the requirements by attending these classes. It'll be up to the individual caseworker as to whether or not they want to accept these classes. We're praying that they will.

Training Day

No, We're not going to see the Denzel Washington movie.  No, Denzel is not coming to our house.  And No, Denzel is not my long-lost cousin.
 
Today is Training Day.  The State of Wisconsin requires each foster family to go through 12 hours of training to be licensed.  (These rules are changing right now, and no one really knows what the end result will be.)  So, we're going to CIP (Community Impact Program) in about a half hour for six hours of classes.  It's hard to know what to expect. 
 
Anyway.  I'm sure we'll have much to blog about in 6 hours or so.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Encouraging E-Mails

We recieved this e-mail from Tricia's Aunt today. It was very encouraging, yet saddening to read. (Is "saddening" a word?) Rita and Merle work with Impact North ministries in Canada. (Rita, I hope this is OK)... I wanted to share this for a couple of reasons. First of all, so that you might pray for what God is doing in Canada. Second of all, that we might pray that God would cause the governments to soften their position on "white" people adopting Native children.

Dear Kyle and Tricia,
Thanks for including us in your mass email!:) We are behind you all the way in your adoption plans and procedures. I enjoyed reading your blog, too and will keep checking in on it from time to time. I wish I could connect you with some of the needy kids in this area. However, for some time now it's been extremely difficult for native kids to be adopted to anyone in the States or to "white" parents.

Today Merle and I plan to fly up to Pikangikum to visit Colleen, our single missionary up there. Then tomorrow we want to fly further north to visit the Lyndaker's at Poplar Hill. At both places I hope to connect with some of the young girls that I've cared for out here in R.L while they were in Child and Family Services care. There is so much sadness in these communities as well as pain, grief, heartache, etc., etc.
Take care,
Rita


It's amazing how laws and policies are built to make these children only adoptable by other Native Americans. While I respect the government's desire to make sure these kids are adopted from within their own culture, the sad reality is that there are more adoptable Native American children than there are available Native American homes willing and/or able to adopt.
It's extremely frustrating knowing that a "no home is better than a non-Native home" attitude is held by the very ones who are supposed to protect and serve these kids. I know that whoever we adopt, there will be a culture adjustment, both by Tricia and I, and by the child. We may end up adopting a child from Arizona or North Carolina or somewhere else, and those are vastly different cultures than even here in Wisconsin. Then they will have to get used to Tricia's family culture, and hanging out with all those Amish people. :) Heritage will change, and will evolve. But, what is most important in my mind is that these kids have good homes. That transcends culture. Or it should.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Feedback

I wanted to say a big "Thank You" to everyone who has taken the time to respond with encouragement and prayers to the e-mail we sent out on Thursday. It's amazing to know that we're part of a family and community that cares the way that you all do. Thank You!

Off Topic, but Fun...

Want to know how to get from Kenosha to Paris?
 
Google Maps has the route .
 
Check out Step # 21.

Friday, April 13, 2007

I didn't know this...

One more tidbit from the meeting on Tuesday (oh yes, there will be more)...

Special Needs Adoptions in Wisconsin (and probably many other states) are no cost or very low cost (at the most, the cost of a new birth certificate and some minor court fees).

Even agencies like Bethany and Lutheran Social Services, etc.  The state contracts through them and pays the expenses. Southeast Wisconsin is mostly covered by the Children's Hospital system, they have an agency, but I forget the name off hand...  Bethany works in the Northeast part of the state.

Good to know.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

The Way It Works

One of the things I found interesting at our informational meeting was the flow chart of the "Special Needs Adoption Process."

1. Attend an Informational Meeting
2. Family Building Consultation
3. Application
4. Resource Family Assessment (Homestudy)
5. Matching
6. Placement
7. Finalization
8. Post Adoptive

Update on Kyle and Tricia Holder

NOTE: This is an e-mail that I sent out to our friends and family just a few seconds ago.

Hello,

First of all, I wanted to apologize for the impersonal nature of this e-mail. Tricia and I are not ones to send out mass e-mails with the latest "What's Up with the Holders" news and such. Our style is much more of the "sit down and chat about stuff for a while." Well, because of the sweeping nature of what's been going on in our lives, and the fact that we are likely separated by many miles (in at least one case, well, it's a LOT of miles to Madagascar), we feel that the e-mail route is the best.

For the past five years that Tricia and I have been married, we have often heard of children who were in need. Sometimes this was a physical need, sometimes spiritual, but what has captured our hearts so often have been children who need a home and a family. We have often prayed and asked what we can do, and recently have recieved an answer to that prayer. Tricia and I believe that God is leading us to adopt a child sometime in the next year.

We are currently at the beginning stages of this process, and don't have a whole lot of answers to the questions that may be swirling around in your heads right now. Here's what we do know. There are about 150,000 children in the United States who are on a path to adoption in one form or another. Some are legally free for adoption, and are waiting to find homes. Others are in some sort of transition. We believe that God is asking us to adopt a child from the Foster Care system somewhere in the United States. We believe that He has given us wisdom in this, and has placed a few categories in our thoughts. At this point, we're considering a 5 to 10 year old girl. That's as specific as we have right now.

So, here we are, with this long road ahead of us, one that will be both challenging and rewarding. I think there are three things that we would like you to consider. First, would you join us in praying for not only this process, but for Tricia and I. We need wisdom. Not only for this process, but for the transition from parenting a cat to parenting a child. Please also pray for the child that eventually will be ours. Wow. That sentence carries a lot of weight and responsibility.

Second, a friend of ours made the suggestion that we tell everyone we know (and even people we don't know) about this. They said that you never know when or where an opportunity will show up. They adopted a little girl after a pastor at a church in another state heard about them, and knew about a situation in their town. So, we wanted to bring you into our "network" so to speak.

Third, as there are over 100 people in this e-mail list, it will be hard to keep each of you posted on the progress. So, we've set up a website (or blog), that you can check in on every once in a while (or every day if you want) and see how things are going. It's located at http://hosea14-3.blogspot.com. We're trying to be faithful about posting something on there daily. Sometimes it's a link to a website we've found, sometimes a resource, sometimes more. I think this site will serve two (and hopefully many more) purposes. First, a place for us to put valuable information, so we don't forget. And second, we know there are others who may travel down this same road, and anything we can do to serve them is our pleasure and privilege.

Thank you for taking the time to read this long e-mail. Please feel free to write back and ask questions at any time.

With much love,
Kyle and Tricia Holder

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Thoughts from the meeting.

I'm sitting in my car at Miller Park, and I just found that they have public wireless access here.  Makes sense, since Road Runner is a big sponsor of the Brewers.  Pretty Cool.
 
I wanted to take a few minutes and put down some thoughts from the meeting last night, so as to not lose them, and so as to be a helpful resource for others who might follow.
 
75% of children who are placed for Foster Care are eventually reunitied with their families.
21% of the children who are placed for Foster Care are eventually adopted by their Foster Care families.
4% of the children who are placed for Foster Care are eventually adopted by people like us.  People looking specifically to adopt.
 
Then, there's the issue of open adoptions.  When you're adopting a baby, you have the option for an Open Adoption (which could cover a whole broad spectrum of things), or Closed Adoption, which basically means that the child has no contact and sometimes no knowledge of their birth parents. 
 
When you adopt an older child, there is no choice.  To some degree.  They will know who their parents are.  They will remember.  They will likely remember the abuse, and the neglect, or the abandonment.  They might think it's their fault.  They might think that it is impossible to be loved, because if the people who should love them the most (birth parents) don't love them, how can anyone else. 
 
I think my tendency is to want to adopt a child and then help them to forget, or try to erase the wrong that was done to them.  What we learned last night is that's not necessarily an option.  It is our option whether or not we choose to talk about it, or it becomes one of the "Skeletons in the closet."  However, will that be best for the child.  We were told last night that while our desire is for the child to forget, remembering and coming to terms with the wrong that was done to them might just be the best therapy. 
 
If we try to erase the wrong, we are trying to erase part of what made the child who they are.  Our job is to help them understand how their experience shapes who they are.  What an amazing opportunity for the Gospel that I never would have thought of.  What an amazing opportunity to show them that though they were hurt, there is One who will never hurt them, though they were abandoned, there is One who will never abandon them.  I look forward to those conversations, and to see our future daughter grow in the Grace and Knowledge of the Lord through understanding her past, and where she came from. 
 
I am not naieve about this, it won't be easy.  But, what an opportunity for Tricia and I to live the Gospel. We certainly will not abandon her, nor hurt her.  Tricia will be her "Mama" and I will be her "Daddy."  How amazing is it that God gives us that opportunity.  It's a ministry, really, but so much more.
 
I think I'm going to break the thoughts up into a few posts...
 
Thanks for reading!

Lets Go Brewers... Uhhh. Indians...

OK. So this is a little off topic. Actually a lot off topic.

Read this story or This one or This Story and Video

The Indians have found themselves homeless, due to snow. Milwaukee gave them a home, and boy, did they give them a home. MLB said they would be happy if 5,000 people showed up to last night's game. The Brewer's management said they expected 10,000. I wonder what they thought when they saw the final count of 19,000 + fans.

Tricia and I are going to the game tonight. We have amazing seats (section 117, Row 11), all for $10.

I'm proud to be a Wisconsin-ite right now. I could actually make this post on topic by making connections of how Milwaukee gave the orphaned Indians a home, and adopted them for a week... But, what does that say about our state. We love Baseball. Milwaukee is a great Baseball town. It'll be fun to be part of history tonight.

I saw a news report this morning asking a fan who they were rooting for at the game last night. The reply: "Good Baseball."

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Did You Know

Did you know that you can get our posts through the e-mail?
 
Here's the deal.  Enter your e-mail in the box on the right hand side of the page, then press the "Subscribe Me" button.  That will take you to a page where they ask you to look at a picture with some numbers and letters in it, and type it into a box.  This will keep automated spam stuff from gumming up the system.  Anyway.  Once you type in all those letters and numbers, you should start seeing e-mails from us...  Well...  The computer...
 
Every night at midnight (or so), a robot (not a real robot, just a computer program called a robot) sniffs through our blog for new stuff, and if it finds anything, it'll send it to you in an e-mail.  Pretty cool, huh?
 
The serviice, FeedBlitz.com promises no ads, so if you see any ads, let me know...
 
Enjoy!
 

Why?

Well, Today is Tuesday.  At 3:30 this afternoon, we have our Special Needs Adoption Orientation Meeting in Racine.  I'm not sure what to expect.  Hopefully this evening, either Trish or I will post our thoughts and stuff about what we learned. 
 
We've had a few questions from people about the direction we are going (pursuing public resources for adoption) and if that is the best way, and why we are going that way, rather than going through a private adoption agency.  The answer is simple, actually...  Cash. 
 
I hate to sound crude, crass, or anything like that regarding such a significant decision as adoption, but there is a reality there.  Here's the question that Trish and I asked.  Considering what God has graciously given us in terms of finances, as well as our desire to be good stewards of what God has given us, as well as this desire to adopt, what is the best way to pursue this "calling" financially?  The decision to not pursue a private adoption agency was quite simple. 
 
We don't have the kind of money that they require.  Agencies depend on the adoptive families for funding.  Though they are doing amazing things and fulfilling a Biblical principle, we just don't have the $20,000 to $40,000 that are the typical fees of a private agency.  I also know that the Government has a vested interest in helping orphaned or abandoned kids find homes. 
 
Paul says in Romans 13
 
"For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God's servant for your good."
 
God has given us government for our good, and that means that He has instituted the Adoption programs that our Government has, as a means of grace not only to the lives of the children that they impact, but in the lives of those who wish to adopt.  If it were not for those programs, we would not be in a financial position to puruse this. 
 
If I am reading my Bible correctly, then the public, government funded adoption agency is just as ordained of God as a private, faith-based Christian agency.  And, I think we honor God by our pursuit of Adoption itself, not by whom we choose to adopt through.
 
3:30 draws near...
 
 

 

Monday, April 9, 2007

Adoption Sermons

Adoption is a key theme in the Bible, not only from the perspective that we as Christians are to care for Orphans and Widows, but in that God has adopted us as sons and daughters. Here are two links to some sermons that I've found recently. One was preached at our church, CrossWay Community Church in January 2007, and the second is a sermon by John Piper. I highly recommend both.

http://www.crosswayonline.org/sermons/20070121MikeBullmore.mp3

Here is a link to a sermon by John Piper, titled "Adoption - The Heart of the Gospel." Edit: There is a link at the top of this page to listen to this sermon.

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/EventMessages/ByDate/1991_Adoption_The_Heart_of_the_Gospel/

If anyone knows of any other solid teaching on Adoption, send it to us, we'll evaluate it and post it here.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Big list of Adoption Resources

I just ran across this big list of adoption resources. It's maintained by Families With Children from China (FWCC), but it seems to have some good Adoption Resources in general.

http://www.fwcc.org/internetsources.html

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Tuesday

Next Tuesday, we have an Special Needs Adoption Orientation meeting in Racine.  Please pray for us in that meeting.
 
I found out that in Wisconsin, any child that is in the foster care system is considered "Special Needs."  So the definition is not necessarily limited to health, learning, or psychological issues a child may have.

Monday, April 2, 2007

The Adoption Clubhouse

http://www.adoptionclubhouse.org/

This is a site where kids (and adults) can go to learn about Adoption. I just found it, and haven't yet spent much time there. If I find some cool stuff I'll write about it.

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Be Proactive...

I found an adoption message board tonight, and ran across this interesting post...
 
 
 Well we started over 16 months ago and were basically told the same as you. Problem is they dont tell you to be proactive, your worker, if she is like most , will tell you "Now the long part begins, the waiting for us to match a child with you, be patient and we will contact you soon.." What a load of hog wash.
I found out early that if you dont call at least once a week your waiting time gets longer and longer. We are at the point of visitation with our DD.
Once we started visitations I apologized to our worker for all the phone calls, she then told me that the families that are truely interested in adopting are the ones that keep hounding them, the ones that dont call and set and wait are usually the ones that get chosen two or three years down the road.
Take my advice and those of others from this room, search for childern on the net, call at least once aweek and ask if they have any info, demand to get to go to the adoption parties or what ever they call them in your state.
If you find a child at one of these, find thier worker and spend alot of time getting to know them, email them and ask if they have chosen a family for the child yet.Do as much of the leg work as you can, contact everyone you can, make it so when they hear your name the workers cringe because they havent found you a child yet , .
I know it sounds bad, but if you do all of this you will find a child one that you will match thier needs. and the workers will do thier best to get everything moveing, just to keep you off thier back...
 
Oh.  One more thing.  Feel free to tell your friends and family about this blog.  One thing a friend of us told us is "tell as many people as you can that you want to adopt.  You never know who you talk to knows of a person who knows of a child that's waiting."  Great advice!

 

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Essential Resource

Here's an essential resource...

http://www.adoptuskids.com

Frustrating (but good) process so far.

The Dish and I have been praying about our adoption for several months now.  After much research, many questions, and lots of reading, we understood that the best way to go about a domestic foster-care adoption was to get into the Foster Care system. 
 
So, we contacted our county Foster Care department, and scheduled a meeting with them.  This was for initial paperwork, and for them to get to know us.  They arrive at our house, and we begin the paperwork.  About 10 times, The Dish and I mentioned that we are pursuing Adoption, not Foster Care specifically.  It went right over their heads. 
 
At one point, the comment from the social worker is that "Adoption agencies prefer prospective parents to have foster care experience before they'll allow adoption to happen."
 
I walked away from the meeting with the impression that while Adoption through the Foster Care system was possible, they certainly weren't going to encourage it, or help us out.  Their goal (rightfully so) is reunification with families.  Adoption is a last resort.  It became clear very quickly that this might not be the route we needed to go.  So, we decided to begin making a few phone calls and asking some more questions.
 
Then, yesterday, I ran across a phone number at the Wisconsin Adoption Resources website (www.wiadopt.org).  I called them, and was immediately connected to a social worker who was able to answer some significant questions.  First of all, I learned that the Foster Care people's statement about agencies prefering foster care experience was not true.  At the time, it seemed kind of self-serving, but I had no reason not to trust them.
 
So, we are being signed up for an Adoption Orientation meeting in April.
 
I think we're on the right track now!
 

The Adoption Guide

I just ran across a good site for adoption resources.  It's called "The Adoption Guide" and is available at http://www.theadoptionguide.com/.
 

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Beginning

A few months back, my wife and I set out on a journey to adopt a child.  We realize that this may be the biggest, most challenging, yet most rewarding thing we have done so far.  This blog hopefully will trace our steps, and hopefully serve others who are wanting to adopt as well.