100%

Several years ago, I was presented with a ministry opportunity in Montana as a Worship and Youth pastor. It was something right up my alley, and, quite frankly, something I really wanted to do. Over several months, as Tricia and I sought God's wisdom on the situation, I became more and more convinced that this would be the right move to make. We researched the town, the church, the state, and everything else we could think of. I was convinced. I asked Tricia what she thought, and she said "Well, I'm not 100% there, but if you think this is what God wants us to do, then let's go for it."

In the midst of this decision making process, we found ourselves in the Twin cities, visiting some friends. I ended up talking to the pastor of their church (who we had gotten to know) about this, and asked him for wisdom. It was at that moment that he gave me one of the most profound pieces of wisdom I'd ever heard.

"If your wife isn't 100% behind this, don't do it." Plain and simple. He told me that he's seen too many pastors' marriages broken because the husband pursued what "God wanted him to do" to the exclusion of his wife. In big decisions like that, God wants us to be in unity as a family. I think the bottom line question for me was this: Do I desire to be in ministry more than I desire unity with my wife?

It was a tough thing to have to withdraw from the process, but I learned something in the process. God has given my wife to me for my good, and for His glory. My most significant ministry opportunity and responsibility is with my wife. At that point in our marriage (5 years ago), I'm not sure that I knew how to care for her, and going into this ministry opportunity would have furthered my ignorance and sin in not caring for her.

But, this blog is about adoption. I think there are some valuable lessons to be learned here too. In a decision as significant as whether or not to adopt, it is vital that there is 100% unity between husband and wife. If the wife is 100% there, and the husband is only 75% there... wait. If the husband is 100% there and the wife is 99% there... wait. If you are the one who is 100% there, pray for your spouse. If you are the one who is 75% there, pray for your spouse who is 100% there. Pray for unity in whatever decision is to be made.

There is much more that could be said about this topic, and maybe I'll explore it a little more as time goes on. If you have any thoughts or comments, please let us know!